WHAT is that SMELL?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  When Brad dies I am going to buy a tombstone that reads "What is that smell?" because he's my little sniffopotamus.  Sweetpea is going to get one that says "Wait, what?" because she says that a lot.  Like, a whole big fat lot.  If I die first and Sweetpea picks my stone, I imagine mine will read "Ya'll."  That's my all purpose phrase and depending on the tone of my voice, it could be short for "you all" or "guess what," or "omigosh" or "knock that stupid crap off right now."  

Side note to my mother: if I go away for a weekend and Brad installs a new patio and then writes the words"NOTHING TO SEE HEAR" in the wet cement, start digging.  And you should probably wear a mask because he misspells stuff when he's nervous.

Since I'm not dead yet, I like to try new things.  And if I buy something new, I like to use a coupon.  That way if it sucks, at least I've only lost a minimal investment.

So the other day I was at a drug store and I grabbed a package of what I thought were panty liners.  It was a new brand, one geared for women over 40.  They were called Panty Fresheners.  It wasn't until a couple of days later that I realized I had not purchased mini-pads.  What I bought are little round stickers that smell like church lady and they go on the outside of your underwear and claim to provide "up to 4 hours of freshness."   

I'd bought pootie diffusers.

If you think I could hold in my hilarity, well, I appreciate the vote of confidence but you are wrong.  Dead wrong.  I brought them to the dinner table. 

"Ya'll.  Look at these. Smell them." 

Brad was all, what is that smell?  and Sweetpea was like, old lady stickers? why?

And I asked Brad, "Remember when you said someone should invent breath mints for your butt so when you fart it would make a cool refreshing smell?  I think this is the same thing, except completely different.  This will instantly mask your toots.  The picture shows it on the front of your undies but I think you're really supposed to wear it over your tailpipe."

Brad was still staring at me but Sweetpea got it right away.  "So like you walk by someone and you hear 'pffftt' but then *sniff sniff* you're like, Morning Breeze!"

I was all  "EXACTLY!" and Brad was all, "Guess that'll go good with the Fiber One cereal."

Honestly, I don't know what the heck these things are for but they have been cracking me up for days.