What are they teaching kids these days? Sweetpea is
not learning cursive. She’s not refusing - the school isn’t
offering. I guess everyone types and texts these days so they have deemed
cursive antiquated and unnecessary. WTH. How is she supposed to
sign a check? Okay, so she’ll have debit. But what about a
deed? How is she going to buy me a mansion with her singer/songwriter
money if she can’t sign her name?
She is struggling with division. I asked her what part she was getting stuck on and she said, no joke, “Well, Dirty Monkeys Smell Bad, but I don’t know what to do after that.” Sometimes I forget and curse right in front of her. Turns out DMSB stands for Divide, Multiply, Subtract and Bring down and Dirty Monkeys Smell Bad is a study strategy. Unfortunately, we Blake girls are easily distracted. Don’t try and get me to focus on math by talking about monkeys because I am not that interested in numbers in the first place. Monkeys on the other hand can provide me with hours of daydreaming entertainment. If we had a monkey I would name it Spunky…Spunky Monkey…and she would wear dresses the color of orange sherbet…what about that lady who got attacked by a chimp, I wonder if Oprah still talks to her…do they use shampoo on the monkeys at the zoo and if so, is it Pert Plus, because I somehow think it might be…are girl monkeys moodier than boy monkeys because I think Brad would move out if there was one more drop of estrogen in this house…you ever notice how the gorillas at the zoo stare right back at you with pity…. Hours. I could ponder monkeys for hours. Looks like Sweetpea can too, because while she is sure monkeys stink she has no idea what’s going on with long division.
Her teacher is adorable. She’s petite and postcard cute. Like Skipper, Barbie’s little friend. She’s really nice and she doesn’t take too many deep breaths during our conferences, which I personally appreciate. Brad and I can come on a little strong. I never quit hating school but I don’t mind teachers. As far as I’m concerned, they are like cops - I don’t want that job but I’m glad someone’s willing to do it. Brad never quit hating teachers but he likes school. He has issues with figures of authority and don’t get him started on cops if you have any place to be for the next two hours. I try to nice Sweetpea’s teachers to death and send in a lot of supplies to make up for the fact that I am not one of those class volunteer moms. It’s not so much that I don’t want to be involved as it is that I don’t like strangers’ children. It’s no coincidence that of my three children, two of them are imaginary. But I digress.
So Brad and I conferenced with Sweetpea’s darling teacher who has eyes that are still full of hope and we voiced our concerns that Sweetpea just isn’t digging math. We inquired about extra work, flash cards and tutoring, all of which were acceptable education supplements when we were in school. Apparently our suggestions were trés last century. Instead, we were given some websites to hit and an app to put on our phones.
Sweetpea may struggle with math and her signature may be mostly block letters, but she’s learned this lesson: when things get tough, Apple has the answer.
This post originally appeared in Irregardless Daily.
She is struggling with division. I asked her what part she was getting stuck on and she said, no joke, “Well, Dirty Monkeys Smell Bad, but I don’t know what to do after that.” Sometimes I forget and curse right in front of her. Turns out DMSB stands for Divide, Multiply, Subtract and Bring down and Dirty Monkeys Smell Bad is a study strategy. Unfortunately, we Blake girls are easily distracted. Don’t try and get me to focus on math by talking about monkeys because I am not that interested in numbers in the first place. Monkeys on the other hand can provide me with hours of daydreaming entertainment. If we had a monkey I would name it Spunky…Spunky Monkey…and she would wear dresses the color of orange sherbet…what about that lady who got attacked by a chimp, I wonder if Oprah still talks to her…do they use shampoo on the monkeys at the zoo and if so, is it Pert Plus, because I somehow think it might be…are girl monkeys moodier than boy monkeys because I think Brad would move out if there was one more drop of estrogen in this house…you ever notice how the gorillas at the zoo stare right back at you with pity…. Hours. I could ponder monkeys for hours. Looks like Sweetpea can too, because while she is sure monkeys stink she has no idea what’s going on with long division.
Her teacher is adorable. She’s petite and postcard cute. Like Skipper, Barbie’s little friend. She’s really nice and she doesn’t take too many deep breaths during our conferences, which I personally appreciate. Brad and I can come on a little strong. I never quit hating school but I don’t mind teachers. As far as I’m concerned, they are like cops - I don’t want that job but I’m glad someone’s willing to do it. Brad never quit hating teachers but he likes school. He has issues with figures of authority and don’t get him started on cops if you have any place to be for the next two hours. I try to nice Sweetpea’s teachers to death and send in a lot of supplies to make up for the fact that I am not one of those class volunteer moms. It’s not so much that I don’t want to be involved as it is that I don’t like strangers’ children. It’s no coincidence that of my three children, two of them are imaginary. But I digress.
So Brad and I conferenced with Sweetpea’s darling teacher who has eyes that are still full of hope and we voiced our concerns that Sweetpea just isn’t digging math. We inquired about extra work, flash cards and tutoring, all of which were acceptable education supplements when we were in school. Apparently our suggestions were trés last century. Instead, we were given some websites to hit and an app to put on our phones.
Sweetpea may struggle with math and her signature may be mostly block letters, but she’s learned this lesson: when things get tough, Apple has the answer.
This post originally appeared in Irregardless Daily.
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